Tom Waits - The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)

The piano has been drinking My necktie's asleep The combo went back to New York, and left me all alone The jukebox has to take a leak Have you noticed that the carpet needs a haircut? And the spotlight looks just like a prison break And the telephone's out of cigarettes As usual the balcony's on the make And the piano has been drinking, heavily The piano has been drinking And he's on the hard stuff tonight The piano has been drinking And you can't find your waitress Even with the Geiger counter And I guarantee you that she will hate you From the bottom of her glass And all of your friends remind you That you just can't get served without her The piano has been drinking The piano has been drinking And the lightman's blind in one eye And he can't see out of the other And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid And he showed up with his mother And the piano has been drinking Without fear of contradiction I say The piano has been drinking Our Father who art in ? Hallowed by thy glass Thy kindom come, thy will be done On Earth as it is in the lounges Give us this day our daily splash Forgive us our hangovers As we forgive all those who continue to hangover against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver from evil and someone you must all ride home Because the piano has been drinking And he's your friend not mine Because the piano has been drinking And he's not my responsibility The bouncer is this Sumo wrestler Kinda cream puff casper milk toast And the owner is just a mental midget With the I.Q. of a fencepost I'm going down, hang onto me, I'm going down Watch me skate across an acre of linoleum I know I can do it, I'm in total control And the piano has been drinking And he's embarassing me The piano has been drinking, he raided his mini bar The piano has been drinking And the bar stools are all on fire And all the newspapers were just fooling And the ash-trays have retired And I've got a feeling that the piano has been drinking It's just a hunch The piano has been drinking and he's going to lose his lunch And the piano has been drinking Not me, not me, The piano has been drinking not me